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Users of this software agree that they have read and understood the entirety of this disclaimer, and further agree that if they are dumb enough to believe that their fates are predetermined or at the very least predicted by the movements or positions of distant planets or other celestial bodies then they truly deserve whatever is coming to them.

I mean, think about it for a second, OK? An entire twelfth of the population has the same stuff happening to them because of the day they were born? What absolute utter nonsense! What about premature births? Some might argue that the trauma of being born is significant, but what about people born through Caesarean section - how does that fit in? And what about all those idiots who believe in astrology and believe that an in-vitro baby has a fully-developed conscious mind - why would the date of their birth be any more significant than any other time in the however-many-months-it-is they have consciousness?

I've even had astrologers try to tell me that the positions of the planets at the moment of birth exert specific gravitational forces that influence the newborn's mind, but that makes even less sense: the only planet that exerts a measurable force on any of us is the planet Earth. Even the sun - immense as it is - doesn't affect us. And if it did, wouldn't that mean that the time of day one is born is considerably more important than the time of year? But, OK, let's run with the "gravitational forces" one for a minute... Let's suppose it's true. So the planets exert their pull and somehow that affects which color will be lucky for us later in life. What about the positions of the nurses, doctors and midwives in the room during the moment of birth? They will have a much greater gravitational pull on the newborn than any of the distant planet. So would a passing truck.

Astrology works by the power of suggestion, and because the gullible want it to work. They want to believe that they're not responsible for their own lives, so they will grab on to anything that appears to offer them an excuse. Here's an example: A "psychic reader" talks to an audience, claims he's getting a message from "the other side." He says, "John... I'm getting the name John. Does that mean anything to anyone here? Did anyone recently lose someone called John?" Now, if the audience is composed primarily of adults, and there's a decent number of them - like, more than ten - then at least one person will know someone called John. It's one of the most common names in the world. And it's almost guaranteed that someone will have lost a person called John. But in the event that obvious trick fails, the psychic will simply change the message he's getting: "Or Jonathan. Maybe it's Jonathan. Does that mean anything to anyone? Or Joan...? Joanne? Jo? Joseph? Yes, it's Joseph. I'm almost sure... Joseph. Jo...seph. Seph. Steph? Stephanie? Stephen, perhaps it's Stephen, or Steve... Eve. It could be Eve." And so on. It's a fishing expedition: the psychic will keep switching the bait until he catches something, then he (or she, of course: they're often women) will latch on to that and pretend that's what they were fishing for in the first place. Same with numbers: "I'm getting the number 6. Is that significant? Anyone? No? Maybe it's 9 - things can be a bit topsy-turvy in the spirit world. 9? Yes, you, madam! Is 9 significant to you?" Audience member: "My Grandfather lived in number twenty-nine - and his name was Stefan! That's amazing!" Psychic: "Yes, that's right. Stefan, who lived in number twenty-nine. Exactly. He wants you to know everything's fine."

See, it's all vague. In the above example (which is made up, but not that far from the truth), the alleged psychic has made twelve guesses at the name and two at the number, and was still wrong. Then an audience member supplies some data and the psychic claims this as a victory and receives a round of applause and lots of money.

The same thing happens with Tarot-card readings, except that the "psychic" has to work a lot harder because they're usually one-on-one sessions. These people are experts at cold-reading: the process of very quickly and subtly encouraging the victim to supply his or her own answers. There are other tricks, too... For example, many Tarot-card readers or similar fortune tellers don't allow their customers to bring anything personal into their tent or reading-room: "You must leave your bag / wallet outside. Don't worry, my assistant will look after it and absolutely will not look inside and then give me enough clues about you to make it seem like I'm psychically picking up the information."

With on-line horoscopes like mine, there's no one-to-one session or anything like that so the statements have to be vague. "You will" is rarely found, but "you might" is all over the place. People who believe in this stuff tend - like the psychic reader in our example above - to cherry-pick. "Gosh! My horoscope said that I should beware of something red today, and then I was hit by a red car!" Yeah? Well, if horoscopes were actually real and there was truth to this nonsense, why didn't their horoscope say, "Watch out for a red car at the junction of Abbot and Costello at eleven-fifteen"? And their horoscope probably said a whole bunch of other wishy-washy stuff, but they only remember the "something red" part.

Seriously, I don't mean to be offensive, but if you actually believe in astrology then you're being an idiot. You might as well believe in fairies, ghosts, auras, Tarot cards, vampires, the powers of Uri Geller and other self-proclaimed psychics, Zeus and homeopathy (that last one, by the way, is so far beyond any logic or reason that I am genuinely concerned for the mental health of people who consider it to be a valid science). Your homework for today is to read the books of James Randi.